And I thought I was abusing first amendment.

"The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all." --H. L. Mencken

STUFF - STORY - HOME : New Zealand's leading news and information website

So where is the line for the freedom of expression? You may ask me.

I say I cannot tell you where the line is, but if you do something out of hatred and turn your back on the truth. You've crossed the line.

Will I ever learn?

So I talked to Cynthia, my second last girl friend.

She's been quite nice to me lately, throwing me a smiley or say hi on MSN when she sees me. I assume this is because she's got a new boy friend and a busy job, so I congratulated her and said I'm really happy for her (which I really am). In return of my good will she questioned sharply my intentions.

All of a sudden, I remembered why I wanted to break up with her in the first place.

It's really quite pathetic, you see. I'm sure most man on this planet would agree that she's a punishing, bitter woman who's never satisfied with her relationships. Yet I dated her for five years, and in the process developed an incredible patience for women; only to suffer an extremely torturing breakup which probably should have happened years before.

And I still don't learn, or even remember. Forgiving is a virtue, but I suspect I just forget and gets reminded at some stage, which will then lead to another round of excruciatingly painful conversation.

I need to learn to remember.

Day I broke up with Paige.

Mon, July 5 2004.

Singleton. 24 days and counting.

Quote from The Science of God by Gerald L. Schroeder

At the Israelite Exodus from Egypt, the Bible tells us that God used a wind that blew all night to split the Sea of Reeds (Ex.14:21). Why an all-night wind rather than perhaps a hand from heaven? That would have been much more impressive.

The six days of Genesis and the wind at the sea ensure that the world will look natural. A natural world allows us to maintain out free will. The biblical Creator may be omnipotent, but in this universe each member of mankind chooses his or her own path. And sometimes we are given the opportunity to "persuade" even the Creator which path to choose.

Some time in the future a book review will come. Don't hold you breath tho, not responsibility taken if you suffocate.

A First Explore to singleton

I never thought it would be so good to be single. So far in my entire adulthood I've never been single. Not a day passed without me thinking of my girl friend at the time, and knowing someone cares for you is very assuring. It was as if it was the my little comfort zone in my otherwise tiring and lonesome days.

Hence this is a completely new territory to me, and I think it's just great! Although I do wake up every morning hoping to find someone sleeping next to me, and I wish there's someone for me to share all the interesting things in my life.

Some may say I'm just bragging to cover the shame of betrayal, but I beg to differ. Admittedly, the betrayal, although not entirely unexpected, was a serious blow to my self-esteem. But there is no shame; because I have done everything right, and everything I can. Every time I think about this, I actually have this strange feeling of satisfaction for I know I can always surf through the memory without any trace of guilt.

Cora is the German girl I met in the backpackers in National Park. She's not particularly pretty, but she has a pair of beautiful eyes and the grace of subtlety. I don't really expect any email or message from her, but it feels great to know that I have the chance, and I'm no longer confined to someone who doesn't want to commit herself to me.

I have this history of falling in love with girls I don't love very much in the beginning, yet my inexpungible sense of responsibility always make me grow attached to them. In the end it becomes difficult to distinguish responsibility from love, and the relationship becomes more a burden than joy.

Which is why the memory with Becky was so sweet, I guess. It was a relationship that couldn't have gone anywhere, and all we could do was just to enjoy what was available. Irresponsible, yet I think it's something everyone should do at least once in his lifetime.

I don't know what to expect from my next relationship. When it's gonna happen, who she's going to be, how long it's going to last... I don't have answers to those questions, nor do I want to. All I want to do right now is enjoy my singleton (while it lasts).

A prayer

Lord, I thank you.

I thank you for how you took away what I had, so that I can see the error of my ways to obtain it.

I thank you for the pain you put onto me when you take away what I had, so that I can see the pain I brought onto others.

I thank you for not letting me keep what I had, so that I can prepare for what you will arrange for me.

I thank you for the pain of being lied to, so that I can be honest.

I thank you for all the care people have for me when I was weak, so that I can see who really cares for me.

I thank you for showing me the foolishness of my own choosing, so that I can see your wisdom.

I thank you for all the burden you laid on me, so that I can become a better person.

I thank you for not making my path easy, so that I can appreciate your grace.

I thank you for keep hatred from entering my heart, so that I can keep you in it.

I thank you for keeping me faithful, so that I can wake up every morning without guilt.

I thank you for keeping me earnest, so that I can see the sweetness of life.

I thank you for keeping me devoted, so that I can see the treasure of a pure heart.

Finally, lord, I thank you for the grace you laid upon me, for I'm not worthy of it.

We pray so in the Lord's name.

Amen.

First blabbing

This is my first public blog. English is not my first language, so pardon me if there are some bizzard sentence structures or words with their meanings being distorted inhumanly.

I started it because there's so many thoughts and ideas in my head. I think and talk about them for a while, and then I lose interest in them. Except for the few people and my poor girl friend who got bombarded by me, these idea were never made known. Although that might actually be a good thing, I still fervently believe that some day they might worth being examinated again.

Thus a blog is created.